A Hermit Story

I know, as we go on, we’ll meet times when we are to make decisions in order to pursue our journey. We are all going to ask ourselves in doubt. Is this the right path I’m leading? To the left, or to the right? Empty minded, I stand in between the paths puzzling where should I head to. There seems to be no finish line, and every paths are never ending paths. All I could do is to follow my heart.

For some people, they know where exactly they wanted to be. They have everything plotted in their mind, they visualise their future in mind, they are capable in believing in themselves, they have the determination within them, then they drew a map for themselves and they own their own compass. They won’t lost their way, even if they did, they can easily get on the right track again when they check on their compass.

I tried to draw up maps, imitating those people. Trying to draw the routes as accurately as possible. Failure is the word to describe my work. I’m not confident in it, I don’t trust myself, I’m always reluctant to step out. Even if I have the best map of all, I dare not to believe in my own work. Furthermore, I’m directionless without compass. Pathetic. I need my compass.

A compass just to tell me that I’ve made the right decision. A compass just to build up my self confidence. A compass just to persuade and lure me to step forward. I just need someone to give me the assurance, whether it’s true or just another lie to make me believe I’ve made the best decision among all the other options.

Yet, I’m still in search of my compass.