A Hermit Story

Feel Like A Woman

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.
She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”

Impossible To Please

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only.” Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside.”

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: “All the men on this floor are short and plain.” The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.The sign on the second floor reads: “All the men here are short and handsome.” Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends continue on up.They reach the third floor and the sign reads: “All the men here are tall and plain.”They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: “All the men here are tall and handsome.” The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman

Bathroom Humor

I am barely sitting down when I hear a voice from the other stall saying: “Hi, how are you?”
I’m not the type to start a conversation or fraternize in men’s rooms at a rest stop but, I don’t know what got into me, so I answer, somewhat embarrassedly: “Not badAnd the other guy says: “So what’s up with you?”
What a question? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say: “I’m like you, just traveling east!”
Then I hear the guy say nervously… “LISTEN!!! I’ll have to call you back, there’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions, bye

The Rope
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They were not able to name that person, until the woman held a very touching speech.
She said that she will voluntarily let go off the rope, because as a woman she is used to give up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all men started clapping their hands……..

Man Vs. Woman

A man will pay $200 for a $100 item he needs. A woman will pay $100 for a $200 item she doesn’t need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die than single men.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.