A Hermit Story

Feel Like A Woman

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.
She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”

Impossible To Please

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only.” Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside.”

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: “All the men on this floor are short and plain.” The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.The sign on the second floor reads: “All the men here are short and handsome.” Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends continue on up.They reach the third floor and the sign reads: “All the men here are tall and plain.”They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: “All the men here are tall and handsome.” The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman

Bathroom Humor

I am barely sitting down when I hear a voice from the other stall saying: “Hi, how are you?”
I’m not the type to start a conversation or fraternize in men’s rooms at a rest stop but, I don’t know what got into me, so I answer, somewhat embarrassedly: “Not badAnd the other guy says: “So what’s up with you?”
What a question? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say: “I’m like you, just traveling east!”
Then I hear the guy say nervously… “LISTEN!!! I’ll have to call you back, there’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions, bye

The Rope
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They were not able to name that person, until the woman held a very touching speech.
She said that she will voluntarily let go off the rope, because as a woman she is used to give up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all men started clapping their hands……..

Man Vs. Woman

A man will pay $200 for a $100 item he needs. A woman will pay $100 for a $200 item she doesn’t need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die than single men.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

Okay, so I was told that ‘Sleep before mid nyt and wake up before noon to have a smart day’. I doubt it! I sleep at 11 last night, which is really rare for a night cat like me BUT guess what god gave me in return? Nightmares! The freaking nightmares! The one and only night that I rest widout peace. I can still feel the fright in me. Eeeshh~

So I had a muscular and macho Negro as my boyfriend. Well-tanned, with six pad abdominal muscle, strong and hard chest-ed, standing tall at 180cm? However, I couldnt remember his face, I think I didn’t even look at his face for a second.

Anyway, one day, I forgot for watsoever reason, he came my house. And i dno what’s the damn reason that he shot and killed my family with a gun. I saw my family was killed one by one, I heard them screaming and asking for help, trying to survive. All I could do was watching them down, and I could feel the heart-wrenching pain in me. I then hid in my parents room with one of my siblings. We were holding our breath and the atmosphere was so tense that I could hear my heart thumping, the hot blood circulating and rushing within me.

I then took out my cellphone and dialled a group of numbers that I don’t remember at all. I was too frightened by then. Before someone managed to pick up the call, the door was then broken in by my Negro boyfriend. Merciless him shot at the sibling I’m with and she laid on the ground, blood gushing and a pool of blood surrounded her soon.

I ran toward her, and shook her violently, hoping that she would open up her eyes and answer me. However, there was no reply. I tried to escape but too bad, the speed of the bullet overtook me. ‘Boom!’ Another bullet was shot off, on the underside of my foot. ‘Boom!’ Another bullet was planted right on my toe.

I laid on the cold ceramic ground, pretending to be blacken out. No words could explain what a traumatic experience it was. I was thinking that maybe that was just a dream? The pain was real enough, I could feel the numb on my wound. However, having a Negro boyfriend was FAKE enough! But, the pain was so real, what if it’s really in reality?

I got up, and Mr.BFNegro gave me another shot on my thigh. I shouted in pain, asked him to set me free. He came nearer, hugged me tytly wid his arm and said, ‘Baby, I never want to leave you. So I’ll die together with you, you know I always love you!’.

He then raised his arm, I looked up and saw that he’s actually headless! Surely brainless too! Haha, so that’s the reason why he decided to 殉情with me. Taking advantage of his headless and brainless situation, I pushed him away from me. As i ran toward the door, I was thinking, since it’s just a dream, why don’t I just sit there and fool with him? Even if he really shot me dead, it wld cause no harm too. My fear, I dont want to surrender and face my failure.

I thrust through the corpse and got out in the garage. Dad just came back home, along wid mom in car. I opened up the door and got on the car, telling my dad to reverse the car and drive. My voice is so feeble and I know it’s shaky, dad possibly didnt hear my words. He then got in the car in a snail’s pace and when he was reversing the car. My Negroman came out.

This time with a shotgun. He got beside the car, held the gun, aimed, and pulled the trigger. ‘Boom!’ Bullet in dad’s head. Then Negro disappeared. Where did he went? I don’t know. Regret overwhelmed, why did I create such tragedy by bringing home an out of control monster?

Since it was just a dream, why did I sacrifice Dad rather than myself? Why don’t I just die with Negroman in the room rather than risking Dad’s life? This made me realised something. I’m escaping the fact that I’m no longer the one controlling. I’m afraid of losing. I didnt surrender to Negroman because I’m escaping the fact that I lost in the game. He beated me. He won. And arent me selfish too? Sacrificing others rather than myself, and it’s only a dream and I’m already dis selfish. What more to say if it’s in reality?

Negroman, I love you too. So leave me in peace tonight. Stop haunting me will ya?

I’m just afraid of getting into sleep now. Stupid me.

By the way, he is so lengzai! Wait, maybe SHE is so lengzai!

I believe everyone’s in search of motivation and trying their best to keep away from the greatest enemy, distractions.

We brilliant and capable human invented and found lotta ways to overcome problems we met in daily lifes. For insects, we have insecticides. For pests, we have pesticides. And we even have fungicides to kill fungis. However, why noone with the intellectual is willing to squeeze their brain and think of a way for us to deal with those destestable distractions? Why isnt there the invention of ‘distracticides’ for us to banish all those abhorrent filthy distractions? Like shieldtox, spray and byebye mosquitoes! Come on, where’s those guys with an iq of 160 and above? We students need them so desperately.

And what about this thing called ‘motivation’? No motivation, no study mood, no revisions done, more time wasted on myriad and unimportant acts such as gluing eyes on the tvs(what i always do) or daydreaming without realising that time is flying(what im doing everyday), resulting in bad results and thus, eternal regrets. Where’s those motivation pills? When will they be available and in stock in the nearby pharmacy? Motivation snacks u say? Not bad, should be in large demand as long as it’s low in calories, low fat, NO, FAT-FREE!

Maybe in years to come, i might be the great inventor of distracticides and motivation pills! And my name would shine in glories. But im damn sure before the day comes, i should get myself involved in biotechnology. What? Biotech involves biology? Stupid me, if bio is nt involved in biotech, why on earth is it called biotech? God, guess i should put more efforts on my bio. It’s already too late? Neverthemind, 迟到好过不到。

I’m actually taking a break from my biology session which lasted for 30 minutes just now. I wish i cld continue revising but look at the clock, it’s short needle is pointing 2 and the long one pointing at 5. It’s 2:25am right now. Past my bedtym. Good girls should be on bed by now. I am one, so goodnyt bad boys and girls.